By: Krystle Crossman
Miscarriages are not spoken about much but they happen to one in five women. When a woman has a miscarriage it not only affects her body but her mind as well. There are a lot of complications that come with losing a baby but women often have to suffer in silence because they feel like no one will understand what they are feeling. Learning you are pregnant can be one of the most amazing days of your life but learning that you have lost the baby can be one of the worst and can have many lasting effects.
I myself experienced a miscarriage when I was 25. I was just about 10 weeks along. We had just found out that I was pregnant two weeks prior. I called the on-call doctor who was one of the few OB/GYNs that I could not stand. He was crass and cranky. During this painful time it was no exception. I called to state that I had cramping and was bleeding pretty heavily. I cannot get what he said out of my head because it shocked me. He told me, “Sounds like you are expelling the fetus. It should clear up in a few days and you should be back to normal.” I couldn’t even speak. I was so angry, so hurt, so sad. I was sad for the loss of my child but was humiliated and disgusted with the doctor’s choice of words. I called the doctor’s office to express my anger. A week later I got a sympathy card in the mail that had been signed by all of the nurses on staff and had been personalized by each of them. It was a kind gesture, one I won’t forget, but it didn’t make the pain any better.
When a woman loses a baby there are a lot of things that go through her mind. Sometimes she blames herself or her body for not being able to keep the baby alive. They place guilt upon themselves by thinking that perhaps their body knew that they were worried about having a child. In the weeks, months, and sometimes even years after losing the baby some women refuse to try and get pregnant again because they are so afraid that they will lose the next one and have to go through all of the pain over again. They will put off having a child until it’s too late and they can’t have any. Through all of this many women feel like they have no one to talk to so they keep quiet about it. They lie and tell anyone who knew that they were pregnant that it was a false positive or it turned out it was just the flu. They feel scared and ashamed and don’t want others to know about it. This becomes a problem because they have no one to talk to if they need to express their anger and sadness.
If you know someone who has had a miscarriage make sure that you are there for them. Get them to talk about it as therapy. If you have suffered a miscarriage make sure that you have someone who you can talk to.
The lost of any life is a serious thing. Men should be more sensitive when they find out that a women in their presence has had a miscarriage. Even if the women appears to be fine and even states that she is okay. That is never the case. What they really mean is that they are holding on for now and we men need to have a more open mind and heart.
Being a friend often means that you are willing to listen, not fix anything, just listen and empathize.